Alzheimer’s — or Steak?

By Jane Anderson

Almost every article about Alzheimer’s includes a list on “what to do to prevent dementia.” I read every one. Do I change anything in my life? No.

Here’s a typical list:

• Exercise regularly.
• Eat fruits and vegetables, avoid fats.
• Don’t smoke.
• Maintain a healthy weight.
• Keep blood pressure in check.
• Have healthy cholesterol levels.
• Maintain healthy blood sugar levels.
• Sleep at regular times for at least 7 hours.
• Avoid stress.
• Get eyes and ears checked.
• Socialize.
• Keep family close.
• Do brain exercises.

Responses from people over 70:

1. Yeah, right!
2. Easy for YOU to say!
3. Catch 22! Catch 22!
4. I’d rather be dead!

Johnny Carson said it best: “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex and rich food. He was healthy right up until the day he killed himself.”

Ha. Ha. Good one.

G.K. Chesterton had a good definition of health. It goes something like this: “Health is what you have when you don’t have to think about it.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger updated the same thought: “My body is like breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don’t think about it, I just have it.”

Even if you love lists (I do), it helps if the list is possible.

Exercise. If you like to exercise, do it. If you don’t like to exercise, you probably won’t. Mark Twain said, “I’m pushing 60. That’s enough exercise for me.”

Eat the right foods: It isn’t always possible. If you have a stomach ulcer, for example, your food choices are limited. If you like bacon and eggs, beer and pretzels, grilled steak with French fries, forget it. Give them up and live longer – miserably.

Don’t smoke. It’s tough to give up a lifelong habit. But the consequences of cigarettes can only get worse.

Keep weight down. Pharmaceutical companies, doctors, and overweight people are convinced now that weight gain is a “condition,” i.e. not controllable by our will. If patients have enough money, they can buy injections that will control their appetites and facilitate weight loss. Like diets, however, the injections end, and what happens is probable weight gain. So whether it’s a condition or a failure to push away from the snack bar, it’s not easy.

Keep blood pressure in check.

 Have healthy cholesterol levels.

 Maintain healthy blood sugar levels.

Anorexics would do well here. Don’t eat sugar, salt, fats; don’t eat much; exercise a lot — all will make the blood tests happier. But will YOU be happier?

Sleep for at least 7 hours? Ha. Ha. Everyone wants to sleep for 7 to 9 hours. Sleep is fun. Sleep is refreshing. Sleep is better than cable TV. But how does one get 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep when the bladder sings at 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. and the leg cramps keep you leaping out of bed? A normal, older person has NO way of getting 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep without taking medication (bite the tongue!)

Avoid stress. There is no way to avoid stress. Even knitting on the front porch can be interrupted by a bee sting.

Check eyes and ears. Ok.

Socialize. With whom? Meet-up groups? Friends? They’re too sick or already dead.

Keep family close. If the family is in New York City where the rents are $6,000 a month, and grandma lives in Arkansas, where her house is paid off, she is not going to move.

Brain exercises. If a person is not already fond of doing crosswords, he or she will discover that crosswords are silly. Learning another language is laborious. Going to garage sales is more fun.

When all is said and done, I like Redd Foxx’s philosophy: “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” LOL.